The First Year

I don't know what I expected my first year of college to be like, but the college blogs didn't do it justice. I poured over blogs the week before I moved in, making sure I checked everything off of my to do list before I started this brand new chapter of my life. College was supposed to be amazing and nothing like high school. But, the issue was, I loved high school. Loved it and in the end I think this love sabotaged my freshman year. 

I left high school with a resume that boasted academic achievement and over-involvement; I held an office position in four clubs and competed with myself yearly to see how many times I could get my picture in the yearbook (that was a secret until now). But, when I entered my freshman year I realized that all of that didn't matter, that was in high school and I had entered college now. Hence, college provided me with the opportunity, or as I saw it, the burden, of an empty resume that needed to be filled. So, I took initiative and went to the club fair. But, I made the #1 freshman mistake I had been warned against. I had tried to sign up for every club that sounded even minutely interesting, and in the end I ended up participating in a whopping total of 0 clubs. So, the club fair didn't work out, that's alright, I would just have to find another way to get involved, to build my resume. What would be the best way to do that? A sorority, of course.

I went through fall recruitment and joined Phi Mu. I was torn between sororities but eventually picked Phi Mu because I thought it could offer me the most in leadership positions and service. It was a newly founded chapter, hence there would be plenty of room for improvement. Improvement that could, of course, build my resume. Sadly, I ended up dropping Phi Mu before formal initiation, but I blame myself in whole for that because I began to have doubts. I had doubts that I had picked the wrong sorority because I had picked Phi Mu for the wrong reasons (you are supposed to decide based on the sisterhood, the rest will follow naturally).

By now, I hope you are realizing a trend, because I certainly didn't see it until later on in the year. Time and time again, I had tried to force my freshman experience; I had tried to recreate my high school experience in a new environment. I can certainly tell you that it did not work. If anything it made me more lost and confused, grasping at straws in an attempt to make myself love college as much as I loved high school. But, after a lot of thought, I have realized that I grew into those high school roles. I didn't start as a leader, I started at the bottom like everyone else and the hard work it took to get to the top is what made being a leader the fun and valuable experience that built my high school resume. I also had an amazing friend group that I still love dearly and talk to daily. It was a combination of all of these things that made high school an amazing experience and it is the same combination that will bring me to love college.  

If there is one thing I could change about my freshman year, it would be the sorority I chose. I know in the grand scheme of things, greek life seems minute, even insignificant in the realm of higher level education. But, I truly do think sororities have a lot to offer and if I had just stuck it out or had chosen a sorority under different pretenses it would have had a meaningful impact on my freshman year. I would have had a more diverse group of friends and various other opportunities to diversify my seemingly monotonous routine of work, school work, repeat.

Don't fret. I know I am painting a rather gloomy picture so I do want to clarify. I am not miserable and I do have friends. I am slowly finding my way. To be quite honest, I love the friends that I have made in college and they have helped to show me a new dimension of friendship, one that I am extremely grateful for. They stayed up with me while I worked on projects into the wee hours of the morning so that I wouldn't have to work alone, they walked back with me in the dark so I wouldn't have to walk alone, and they have been there for me so I didn't feel like I was facing my problems and challenges alone. This constant companionship has shown me just how dearly I do value my friendships and how important they are to my happiness.

On the other hand, school has also taught me a tremendous amount. My major in industrial design has brought many so many new skills and interests, while opening my eyes to a whole new part of the world that I never new existed. It has redefined how I see myself and my future aspirations. I no longer know what I want to do but I know that I am happy where I am, with what I am doing, and that I will find my career path, eventually. So for now, I am keeping an open mind towards everything and refusing to limit myself. My first co-op is in the coming spring and I will apply to a variety of companies and continue to expand on my portfolio.  

Overall, while my freshman year didn't go as expected, it wasn't a total loss. I learned a lot about myself, about my major, and about where I stand. This coming year I am determined to do things for me, things that will make me happy and in the long run I know it will pay off. I made a pact with my best friend at college. We are both going to join one club without each other so we will meet new people while doing something we enjoy. I have decided that I am going to try out for the club golf team, something that originally my parents wanted for me, but now something that I want for myself. I would also like to take a hip-hop dance class at CCM. Both of these goals sound promising now but I have to vow to myself that I will follow through and stick with it (if you couldn't tell, that is also something I struggle with). If I had one piece of advice for myself, it would be to continue finding things that I am passionate about. These passions will begin to build my resume for me. It doesn't need to be forced. Finding things that I am passionate about and pursuing them will make me happier and more fulfilled. Also, I need to let go of high school and let myself love UC, eventually it will be just as great as high school once was.  

Until next year,
Alexis Begnoche